Sometimes in order to understand life you have to step out of it. It’s like looking through a snow globe…or examining a work of art. Everyone has their own take on it, their on view, their own opinion…

I feel like I’m still trying to find my place in life. You know how most people can fit into categories? Well it’s different for me. A lot of the time it feels like “What am I doing with my life?” I don’t have a bad life. I have a pretty good life. But there isn’t any direction. I’m free spirited. I do what I feel at that moment. Later on I sit back and think…”Why did I do that?” And even though most people see me as free spirited I tend to think things through so carefully–sometimes. I have my beliefs and I stand for what I believe in. I’m a living contradiction, in a sense. I’m shy, but I’m not. I’m talkative, but I’m not. I’m a diva, but I’m not. You know how people say there’s black and then there’s white. Well I fit in that gray area, but not really. I’m sooo different. I like being different. I’m mysterious.

I feel like I’m losing myself everyday. With each day a piece of me just vanishes. I no longer have the passion for school as I use to. I just go because it’s what I have to do, I guess. I don’t know what else I could do. I figure as soon as I get over this I’ll be able to live a life that I really want to live, so I just do it…no matter how hard it is or how unhappy it makes me. I don’t even know what I’m going to major in and that part scares me. I’ve been following through the engineering discipline since I entered in the Summer of 2004. I know that I don’t want to do medicine anymore. I don’t like science. Math is okay, but I wouldn’t mind doing without. I don’t really like anything. There are some things in math that I love doing. And with English, I love writing but reading often bores me…especially when there is so much to read.

Right now I wish I could shake the snow globe of life and see where I will be in the next 10 years. See if I’m happy, and if that’s the direction I should take. I wish we could get a sneak peak on life and what would happen IF you did this or that. I guess that’s why they say life is what you make it. Even if you are dealt a shitty hand it’s up to you to win the game. So with that…I guess all I can say is let the game begin…